If you’ve ever thought, ‘I feel stupid about debt’ or ‘I’m ashamed of my money problems’, you’re far from the only one. Money troubles can make even the most confident person feel uncertain, ashamed, or worried about what others might think.
It’s important to know that feeling this way doesn’t say anything about your worth, your intelligence, or your ability to make good choices in the future. These feelings are common and you can move past them to get the help you deserve.
Why shame about money is so common
Feeling embarrassed to ask for help with debt is something many people experience, no matter their background. Debt doesn’t discriminate – it can happen to anyone, at any stage of life. Some of the most common reasons for feeling this way include:
- Cultural expectations
Many of us are taught that we should always be in control of our finances, and that asking for help means we’ve failed in some way.
- Comparisons with others
Social media, adverts, and even conversations with friends can make it seem like everyone else is doing better.
- Fear of being judged
Worrying about how a lender, adviser, or even a family member might react can make it harder to take the first step.
- Past experiences
If you’ve had negative reactions when talking about money before, it can make you reluctant to try again.
These feelings are understandable, but they can also keep you stuck, delaying action while interest and arrears grow. Shame about debt often thrives in silence. The less we talk about it, the bigger and more overwhelming it feels. That’s why it’s important to ask for the help you need.
Why you’re not to blame
It’s easy to take all the responsibility for a difficult money situation onto your own shoulders. But the truth is, debt can happen for countless reasons beyond your control:
- Job loss or reduced income
- Illness or caring responsibilities
- Rising living costs
- Unexpected expenses like home repairs or car breakdowns
- Changes in personal circumstances, such as divorce or bereavement.
Even people who are careful with money can find themselves in debt after just one major life change. Recognising that debt is often caused by circumstances – not personal failure – is the first step towards letting go of shame. You’re not alone in this, and you’re not the only one facing these challenges.
The cost of staying silent
If you feel embarrassed to ask for help, you might put off talking to anyone about your situation. While that’s understandable, avoiding the problem can make it harder to deal with later.
When debts are left unaddressed:
- Arrears can build up
- Creditors may add interest and charges
- Missed payments could lead to enforcement action
- Options that could have been available early on might no longer be possible.
Breaking the silence sooner rather than later means you’ll have more choices and a better chance of protecting your home, income, and essential services.
Turning shame into understanding – and action
It’s worth remembering that most people feel more anxious before they reach out than during the actual conversation. Debt advisers speak to people from every background, with every kind of money problem, and nothing you say will shock them.
One of the best ways to start moving past shame is to focus on the facts rather than the feelings. This gives you something concrete to work with and helps you feel more in control. You could:
- Gather your most recent bills, statements, and letters
- List all your debts in one place, including who you owe and how much
- Use our disposable income calculator to see what you can realistically afford to pay after essentials.
Once you’ve got a clear picture, you can take a small but important step forward – reaching out to one trusted service. You don’t have to commit to anything in that first conversation. It’s about sharing your situation, hearing your options, and deciding what might work for you.
What your options may look like
When you meet with a debt adviser, they may suggest:
- Making small changes now to free up extra money for essentials
- Speaking to creditors to request a temporary payment arrangement
- Applying for Breathing Space – a Government scheme that can pause most interest, fees, and enforcement action for up to 60 days while you work on a longer-term plan
- Exploring formal or informal debt solutions such as a Debt Management Plan, Individual Voluntary Arrangement, or Debt Relief Order
- Accessing free tools like a budget planner to help you plan ahead.
What happens after you ask for help
It’s common to imagine the first conversation about debt will be full of judgement or difficult questions. In reality, it’s usually straightforward and focused on helping you feel at ease.
You can expect:
- A private, confidential conversation whether by phone, online, or in person
- Questions about your situation, covering your income, spending, and debts, so your adviser can see the full picture
- A clear explanation of your options including how each one works, how long it lasts, and what it would mean for your day-to-day life
- No pressure to decide immediately – you can take time to think before making a choice
Remember that this process isn’t about judgement – it’s about finding a practical way forward that works for you.
You deserve support
Feeling ashamed of money problems doesn’t change the fact that you have options. Professional advice is confidential, judgement-free, and focused on finding the right way forward for you.
You can get free debt advice from MoneyHelper. Or, speak to an experienced debt adviser at MoneyPlus who will listen to your situation, explain your options clearly, and help you take that first step.
