Why am I ashamed I had to ask my parents for money?
It’s not easy to say the words out loud: ‘I had to ask my parents for money’. Even thinking about it can bring up a wave of shame, guilt or embarrassment, especially if you’ve always tried to be independent or are used to being the one others rely on.
Many people carry the silent weight of financial pressure – some due to rising bills, job loss, or simply life not going to plan. If you’ve found yourself thinking, ‘I’m ashamed I had to ask parents for money’, you’re far from alone.
The truth is, asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re doing what you can to keep going.
Why we feel shame asking for money
There’s a lot of unspoken pressure around money – what we should earn, how we should manage it, and who we should (or shouldn’t) ask for help. So when things go wrong, it’s common to feel like you’ve let yourself or others down.
You might be thinking:
- ‘I’m embarrassed to ask for help – what if they think I’m irresponsible?’
- ‘What if they say no?’
- ‘I’m the adult now – I should be able to sort this myself.’
These thoughts are natural. But they’re often shaped more by fear than fact. And those closest to us are usually more understanding than we expect.
When asking for help feels like the only option
If you’re struggling to pay bills or keep up with debt, asking family for financial help might feel like your last resort. It’s not easy, particularly if you’ve worked hard to build your own independence.
But consider this: if someone you love were in the same position, wouldn’t you want them to come to you?
That same care often goes both ways. And while money conversations can be awkward, honesty can open the door to unexpected kindness, and maybe even practical support.
It might help to remember:
- You’re not asking for a handout – you’re asking for a moment of breathing space.
- Accepting help now doesn’t mean you’ll always need it.
- Support today can be the first step towards standing on your own feet tomorrow.
What others don’t see when you’re struggling
From the outside, it’s easy to look like everything’s fine. You might still be showing up at work, paying for the occasional coffee, or keeping up appearances on social media. But behind the scenes, your bank account might be telling a different story.
You might feel pressure to keep the struggle hidden, especially from those closest to you. But carrying that burden alone can make things worse.
It can feel like a relief to be honest with yourself and those around you.
If you find yourself lying awake thinking about money or avoiding certain conversations, you’re not alone. Feeling overwhelmed is a common response when things are uncertain, and money worries can trigger deeper emotions. Some people find even looking at their account balance can cause feelings of anxiety.
How to approach the conversation with family
If you’re considering asking a parent, sibling or other relative for help, it’s natural to feel nervous. Here are a few tips that may help you approach the conversation:
- Choose a quiet time and a private place where you won’t be rushed or interrupted.
- Be honest – explain what’s happened and how it’s affecting you.
- Be clear – if you’re asking for a loan or a gift, be upfront. Offer a plan to repay if possible.
- Be open – they might not be able to help financially, but they may have advice or know someone who can.
No matter the outcome, having the conversation is a step forward. And it means you’re not carrying the pressure alone.
“I’m embarrassed to ask for help” – here’s what to do next
Shame about asking for money from family can often delay important decisions, especially when debt is growing in the background. If asking your parents for help isn’t possible (or if you already have), you might now be wondering what your other options are.
Some people find that once essential costs like rent and food are covered, there’s simply not enough left for repayments. If that’s the case, it’s worth looking at whether your debt could be made more manageable through structured support. One option is a Debt Management Plan (DMP) – which helps you pay what you can afford each month, based on your budget.
For some, a more formal solution like an Individual Voluntary Arrangement (IVA) might be appropriate, especially if you owe a significant amount to multiple creditors. This can reduce what you repay overall, and may lead to some debts included in the IVA being written off once the term ends.
If you’re not sure which route is right, a debt adviser can help you assess your full financial picture, including any unsecured debts like overdrafts, loans or credit cards. It might also help to look at your type of debt to get a clearer idea of where you stand.
Asking for help doesn’t define you
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It means you’re strong enough to try. Whether it’s from your family, a friend, or a professional adviser, support is available.
You can visit MoneyHelper for free, impartial advice or contact our debt experts at MoneyPlus. We offer confidential, non-judgmental advice to help you find a manageable budget that works for you.
