Feeling guilty about borrowing from friends: how to cope and move forward

If you’ve ever borrowed money from friends or family, you might know the complicated feelings that can come with it. While borrowing can provide short-term relief, the guilt about borrowing money from family or the awkwardness of asking for help in the first place can linger long after.

Money is a sensitive subject in many households. When loved ones are involved, it can feel even more personal. This guide looks at why those feelings of guilt happen, how to manage them in healthy ways, and what small, practical actions you can take to move forward.

Why guilt can feel stronger when money and family mix

Borrowing money from a bank or lender might feel straightforward, but asking family or friends for financial help is often emotionally harder. That’s because it isn’t just about the transaction – it’s about trust, expectations, and relationships.

Some common reasons people feel guilty include:

• Worrying about being a burden
• Fear of damaging relationships if you can’t pay the money back quickly
• Comparing yourself to relatives who seem to be coping better financially
• Feeling awkward asking family for money because it goes against your sense of independence.

It’s important to remember that these feelings don’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. They simply show that you care about the impact on those around you. Borrowing in times of need is something many people experience, and it doesn’t make you weak or irresponsible.

Managing the guilt in small, manageable ways

The good news is that guilt doesn’t have to control your decisions or relationships. Here are a few simple coping mechanisms:

1. Acknowledge the support you’ve received

A heartfelt thank you goes a long way. It shows respect and appreciation for the trust placed in you.

2. Keep communication open

If you’re struggling to pay back as quickly as planned, be honest. Avoiding the subject often makes anxiety grow, while clarity can reduce tension.

3. Agree on boundaries

Setting out when and how repayments will happen, even informally, can make both sides feel more comfortable.

4. Focus on one action at a time

You don’t need to solve everything at once. For example, you might start by writing down what you owe and when you expect to repay, then share that plan.

5. Practise self-compassion

It’s easy to be harsh on yourself when money is tight. Remind yourself that asking for help shows resourcefulness, not failure. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d extend to a loved one in your position.

When borrowing affects your wider money worries

Sometimes, borrowing from family is a sign of a bigger financial problem. If debts are building or everyday costs are becoming harder to manage, relying on relatives may not be a sustainable long-term solution.

At MoneyPlus, our advisers can help you explore options such as Debt Management Plans (DMPs) where you pay one affordable monthly amount towards multiple debts. We can also provide advice on Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVAs) – this is a legally binding agreement where you pay what you can over a set period, and some debt included in the IVA may be written off at the end.

You can also visit MoneyHelper for free, impartial advice.

Practical steps to ease ongoing guilt

If you’re finding it hard to shake the guilt, small actions can help you feel more in control:

• Write down what you’ve borrowed, even if it’s informal. Having it on paper can make it clearer and less overwhelming.
• Share progress updates with your relative or friend, even if it’s just letting them know you’re still working on repayment.
• Create a realistic budget that prioritises essentials first. 

By breaking things down into small steps, you can reduce the weight of the guilt and show those who’ve helped you that you’re actively working towards repayment.

Protecting relationships while managing money

It’s natural to worry that borrowing could damage close relationships. To help protect those bonds:

• Be honest about what you can and can’t do
• Keep promises where possible – but speak up quickly if circumstances change
• Offer non-financial gestures of thanks, like helping with tasks or giving your time.

Above all, remember that healthy relationships can withstand temporary financial ups and downs. Borrowing doesn’t have to define your connection with loved ones. What matters most is the trust and respect you maintain.

Your next steps

Feeling guilty about borrowing from friends or family is very common, but it doesn’t have to overwhelm you. By taking small, steady steps, like communicating openly, writing things down, or setting a routine for repayments, you can reduce the guilt and protect your relationships.

If borrowing has become a regular habit because of wider money struggles, remember you’re not alone. Practical debt solutions and professional support are available.

If you’re ready to take that next step, get debt advice from MoneyPlus. We’ll listen carefully, explain your options, and help you find a manageable way forward.