Let’s be honest – talking to your partner about money isn’t always easy. It’s one of those topics that can bring up all sorts of feelings: embarrassment, worry, even guilt. And yet, it’s also one of the most important conversations you can have with your partner.
If you’ve found yourself avoiding money chats, or just don’t know how to start this conversation, this guide is here to help. We’ll walk you through how to start talking about money and how to make budgeting discussions a regular part of your relationship.
Why money can be a tough subject
Everyone has a different relationship with money. Maybe you grew up in a household where it was important to save every penny, or perhaps, you were never taught how to budget at all. The things we’ve been through often shape how we deal with money – how we spend it, how we save it, and how comfortable we feel talking about it.
It’s also easy to feel judged – especially if you’re carrying debt or worried you haven’t handled things well. But pushing it aside won’t make the problem go away. The sooner you talk, the easier it tends to be to figure things out together.
How to talk about money with your partner: getting started
Find a calm, quiet time when neither of you is stressed or in a rush. Maybe that’s after dinner, during a walk, or at the weekend.
Try opening with something like:
- ‘I’d really like us to have a proper chat about our finances – just so we’re both on the same page.’
- ‘I know money can be a bit of an awkward topic, but I think we’d both benefit from talking it through.’
Or, if there’s a specific issue on your mind:
- ‘I’ve noticed our spending’s been a bit higher lately. Could we sit down and take a look together?’
- ‘Since we’re thinking about [moving/starting a family/taking out a loan], it feels like a good time to go through our budget.’
Keep it kind and collaborative – you’re tackling this as a team, not pointing fingers.
Keep the conversation balanced
Try to focus on how you feel, rather than what your partner is doing or not doing. This helps keep the conversation open rather than defensive.
You could say:
- ‘I feel a bit out of the loop with our finances, and I’d like us to look at things together.’
- ‘I find it easier to stay on track when we set goals together.’
Avoid phrases like ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ – they rarely lead to a helpful outcome.
If your partner seems hesitant, you could try asking the following questions:
- ‘Is there something about money that feels difficult to talk about?’
- ‘Would it help if we each wrote down what we’re thinking and talked it through from there?’
Stick to the facts
Once the conversation’s flowing, focus on the practical side of things:
- What’s coming in and going out each month?
- Are there any debts or subscriptions that need attention?
- Do you have shared goals, like saving for something big?
A spreadsheet or budgeting app can be useful, but even a notebook works. You’re aiming to build a clear picture together so use whatever method you’re most likely to stick to.
You might also want to think about:
- Whether you keep separate or joint accounts
- How you split bills and day-to-day costs
- How to handle things if one of you earns more than the other
You don’t need to figure it all out in one go. Just get started.
Worried about how they’ll react?
If you need to talk about something difficult – like debt or missed payments – it’s natural to feel nervous. But being honest now can make things easier in the long run.
You could try:
- ‘There’s something I’ve been worried about, and I know I need to tell you. It’s about money, and I’m not proud of it, but I want to be honest.’
If it feels too tough to do alone, support is available. Talking to a professional, like a debt adviser, can help you get a clearer view and plan next steps.
You can also check out MoneyHelper for free advice. MoneyPlus also offers confidential, non-judgemental help so you can build a budget that works.
Helpful phrases to use
If you’re paying more than your share:
‘I’ve noticed I’m covering a bit more of our shared expenses than I can manage long term. Can we check in and see what’s fair for both of us?’
If you’re struggling with debt:
‘I’ve got some debts that I’m finding hard to manage. I could really use your support in figuring out what to do next.’
If you’re saving for something together:
‘I’d love for us to start saving towards [a holiday/home/wedding], but we might need to tweak how we’re spending. Shall we look at it together?’
If they tend to avoid money talk:
‘I get that talking about money isn’t fun, but I’m finding it harder to manage things on my own. Could we try a quick check-in each month?’
Make it a regular thing
The first conversation is the hardest – but it does tend to get easier. Try setting aside a regular time to talk about money, like once a month. Keep the discussion short and simple.
Even just 15 minutes to review your budget, track spending or plan for the month ahead can make a big difference.
When to get outside help
If the conversations keep hitting a wall, or if you’re facing bigger financial challenges, it’s OK to reach out for support.
At MoneyPlus, we can help you explore a range of debt solutions, including Debt Management Plans (DMPs) and Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVAs).
Final thought
Talking about money doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. With honesty, patience and a bit of planning, you and your partner can build habits that support your goals – and each other.
One conversation could be the start of a much stronger financial future.
